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Album #2: Dedicated by Carly Rae Jespen

I visited home for the last time a year and a half ago. When I went I knew it would be the last time I ever saw my grandma. I woke up. I had been staying in my aunt*’s room, whiXXXX XXXXXXXXX XXX XXX XXXX XX XXXX XX XX XXX XXX XXX XXXWalls were blue. Is this side of my family where I got an appreciation for dark walls from? She had books on the nightstand titled things like WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE?. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXisXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX this, XXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXX XXX XX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXX
I don’t understand.
We smiled for a picture. I have her nose. I remember her teeth, full dentures since she was hit by a stray baseball bat at sixteen. I thought that was hereditary too, for a while. I still am very aware of the set of my jaw and position of my tongue, for minimal damage in the event of a freak sports accident. Her skin is saggy - her smile is straight straight teeth but mostly lower gum.
It occurs to me now: XXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXX XXX XXXX X XXXXX?
XXXXX XX XXXXXX too XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX muchXXXXXXXXXX XXXXX
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I loved EMOTION, but Dedicated didn't stick for me when I first heard it. Everyone at karaoke insisted that it was their favorite and I just had to listen to it. So I am. The beats are wonderful. Ive been feeling esoteric and moody lately, and a lot of what I had on rotation while I navigated all this has been about filling my lungs fully, vibing out in a thin layer where it was all far far away. Going from Obsidian to Dedicated was JARRING. I felt a lurch, like a motorcycle’s engine turning over, at the beginning of it. I found myself dancing around the living room - of moving furniture away so I had room to dance! It was lovely.
There was this pull though, of something kind of primal, a nervousness. It was spooky how directly I felt this music after the others. The production is astounding coming out of a more indie kick. It feels like I’m listening to something formulated in a pop lab. Or, maybe I’m just easily impressed after pecking at a drum machine lately, that anyone can make this type of equipment do anything at all!